On warriorship

It was asked:

Why is spirituality so often connected with warriorship?

I replied:

Because most people don’t go all the way to the top of the mountain.

If my spirituality contains warriorship in it, it means I am still identified with something. Perhaps my physical body; my health; the well-being of my family or friends; my vision; my ideology…. It could be many things — but if I am fighting, I am identified with that which is not Being. Being — which is to say the witnessing consciousness.

Being is sometimes referred to as a mirror — it simply reflects whatsoever passes in front of it. Notice — a mirror does not do things. It does not act. It does not fight. It simply reflects. This is how Being functions.

And until one is totally rooted in Being, one’s spiritual journey has not ended. One is still on the mountain path.

And this is the state of 99% of spiritual practitioners in the world (including myself).

Thus, the frequent connection to warriorship. Beautiful question.

If you would like to dive deeper, and/or book a free one-hour session, click the “Contact” button above.

Unconditional Love

It was asked:

What does unconditional love mean between a couple?

I replied:

Unconditional love between a couple is actually a contradiction in terms. 🙂

Unconditional love means love with no conditions. Love which flows out un-directed, un-labeled. Love for your mother and father, brothers and sisters, associates and strangers, friends and even enemies.

It bears repeating: unconditional means no conditions. Love simply happens.

It’s like the fragrance arising from a flower, It simply radiates out. If someone is there to smell it, great. If not, also great. If a bird flying by enjoys it, super!

Now this may sound pie in the sky, impossible to live. But I have met people who have attained such a height of meditation that they have simply become Love. Their very presence is felt as love and compassion, bliss and silence.

So to truly discover the nature of unconditional love, begin a practice of meditation!

To dive deeper, and for a free one-hour consultation, click the “Contact” button above.

On affirmations…

It was asked:

Should you repeat a mantra such as “I love myself” while meditating or stay silent and keep your mind clear?

I replied:

Neither. 🙂

Repeating an affirmation such as “I love myself” does not help much. Because the underlying feelings do not change. Rather — simply be present to whatsoever arises, and accept it from the heart. If you notice feelings of self-hatred, watch the way a scientist might watch. “Interesting — there is self-hatred inside.” If a feeling of joy arises, watch the joy.

Regarding “keeping your mind clear:” it is not possible. *You* cannot keep your mind clear. Because who would be doing it? Just another part of the mind — the thought police!

No — simply watch as the thoughts pass through — like clouds passing through an open sky. Over time, they may slow down, and a clear mind may arise. But it will be a happening — it will not be because of your doing.

To dive deeper, click the “Contact” button above.  🙂

No wind

sail boat no wind.png

There is no energy this morning. And that’s not bad. And that’s not good.

Sure, I could manufacture some. I could will myself into action; have a Venti quadruple shot espresso.

But if I am simply recognizing what is happening in this moment, without interference from the little “I,” then there is calm. There is no wind in the sails.  A lull.

It has taken a long time for the parts of the ego which judge this state of affairs as bad and wrong to dissolve.  I used to pride myself on how much I could get done in a day. My self-worth was wrapped around my doing and success.

But no more.  Things are as they are, and I accept them from the heart.


PS  To be more transparent:  it took energy to write this down; to write about there being no energy.  I am holding the intention to post regularly as part of my life coaching business.  This intention has just enough “oomph” to move me into writing and posting.   Without this intention, this post never would have happened.  🙂

100 Moments of Intimacy

lovers gazing

(Written by Lokita Carter, cofounder of Ecstatic Living Institute.)

“…A moment of breathing together, of gazing at your partner with loving eyes. Of exchanging compliments. Of melting into a hug that lasts longer than 30 seconds. Of offering understanding and compassion. Of giving attention to them. Saying a proper goodbye before your beloved goes off somewhere alone, without you: to work, to pick up groceries, to get some fresh air, to clear their mind – yes, even after a fight. Opening your hearts to each other, however brief. Every single moment counts and these short moments add up. Can you be intimate with your partner 100 times a day?…”

On Monogamy: A Personal Story

man in pain

“Freedom is the highest value.”  –Osho

Shortly after I arrived at Osho’s ashram in India, I met a lovely French woman.  We went to her apartment after dinner, and made love tenderly.

The next morning, we went to the ashram for breakfast.  We laughed and enjoyed.  After we were through eating, she said, “Thank you for a beautiful evening.  I need to go meet my boyfriend now.”

It felt like a dagger pierced my stomach!  This was the most visceral experience of jealousy I have ever felt.

What is this jealousy?  I had just met this woman.  We had no agreements about the future or about monogamy.  I do not recall making any mental assumptions about her relating status.  And yet the immediate reaction of my emotional body was searing pain upon hearing there was another man in her life.

The reader’s digest unpacking of this experience goes like this.  1) I was holding all kinds of beliefs about relating which, without me even noticing, had been constructing all kinds of future ideas about how our dance would unfold.  These internal stories (“she’s so wonderful; I can’t wait for our next date; maybe we’ll move in together…”) were already active even though we had just met.  2) My emotional body (2nd chakra) was totally under-nourished.  The connection and love-making with this woman were like water for a person dying of thirst.  Upon hearing that my source of soothing water was leaving, intense pain arose.

I have written many things in this short little essay.  Each sentence is pregnant with meaning and needs to be explored in depth.  You are welcome to contact me, to go deeper.  (Click the “Contact” button above.)

Freedom may be the highest value.  And — to live freedom in each moment, in loving relatings, with intimate partners and with emotional and sexual connection is a lifelong journey.



On Monogamy: The Desire Contract

lovers sunset

If two people are choosing to create a monogamous relating container, going through the exercise of creating a desire contract can be incredibly illuminating.

Here is just a taste of what resides inside a desire contract.  (Note:  each person creates the contract on their own.  Then, they compare notes.  Another point:  I have found it is helpful to revisit these contracts every month or two, to see if things have shifted, and/or if they need to be re-negotiated.)

Big D Desires:  these are our deepest callings in life and relating. Experienced as the ‘third’ that is created when you and another come together, they say, “This is where we are headed.”

Little d Desires:  the little d desires are all about detail:  time, location and numbers.  How many evenings per week do I want to spend with my lover?  What kinds of things do I like to do?  What kinds of foods do I like to eat?  Etc.

Beliefs:  what have I been conditioned to believe about relating?  If we are honest, most of us have beliefs, which have been instilled in us by our parents, teachers, religious leaders and society in general.  If one is involved with some kind of spiritual practice, one may find that over time these beliefs shift and / or dissolve.  But it is radically honest to state the beliefs that exist here and now, to let yourself and your partner know what thought-forms are prevalent as you show up to intimately relate.

Hard No’s:  these are boundaries which are deal breakers.  What do you refuse to give up or sacrifice?  What will you simply not do, under any circumstances?

There is more, much more, to be explored in the Desire Contract.  If you would like to dive deeper, drop me a line!  Click the “Contact” button above.

Offered with Love,

–Prahas, Exquisite Attention Coaching


On Monogamy

Here are several hypotheses around how monogamy effects us and our culture in a perhaps less than helpful way:

* the normalization of jealousy as an indicator of love;

* the idea that you should meet your partner’s every need, and if you don’t, you are either inadequate or they are too needy;

* the idea that a sufficiently intense love should cause you to cease to be attracted to anyone else;

* the idea that commitment is synonymous with exclusivity.

(Adapted from a post by “nankindecade”)

I would like to add if two people want to create a monogamous relating container that is wonderful.  My suggestion is they create such a container consciously, examining each element of the agreement closely.  I suspect too often people make un-noticed or un-stated agreements.

For example, what exactly constitutes a breach of the monogamy?  Does shaking hands with a business partner pass muster?  Can I give someone a hug?  What about cuddling on a sofa watching a movie alone with another person?  How about doing the same while my partner is in the room, in another chair?

Another suggestion: it may be helpful to re-evaluate the essential parts of the container on a regular basis.  These things are moving targets; each of us change and evolve over time.  So don’t be afraid to re-negotiate the boundaries of the relating container.

I would like to close with a couple of sage words on polyamory from my friend Monique Darling.

“Polyamory does not mean that you’re always dating or sleeping with others. It just means that you love many, and that there are many ways to love.

“Being in an open relationship does not have to mean that you’re open 24/7. It means that you’re always open to having the conversation and exploring together.”

Food for thought.

Enjoy, and more later!

On Love…

It was asked:

What is love truly?

I answered:

For me, there are several different types or flavors of love. The highest is energy flowing through the heart.

It is a cliche that to love someone, you have to love yourself first. But there is truth in it. First, fill yourself up with Love. Meditate, gather energy, and become filled up; overflowing.

When this overflow leaves through your heart, it has the fragrance of Love. And everyone around you can feel it; they will feel loved.

This type of Love does not have to be personal. It does not have to be reserved for one person. You can choose to direct it: to share it with one special person, and to create a relating container with that person (dating; living together; marriage).

But the thing about heart Love is it is by nature un-directed. Think of a flower, giving off its perfume. Does it care who breathes it in? Who enjoys the wonderful scent? No. It simply radiates.

This is how Love can be.

To go deeper, click the “Contact” link above.